Mastiff Mania

I promised myself that after I finished organic and physics homework I would let myself blog. I technically haven't got permission from the clinic to blog about my time there yet, so I am going to be quite brief and sketchy with what I say until I get a chance to talk to the Dr.'s about it... it's kind of an awkward thing to bring up, and I always feel like they probably think I'm nuts- but oh well!

I walk in the back today and all I see is a mastiff on a surgery table- I walked in just in time to watch. In fact, within my first five minutes of being there I was assisting (and by that, I mean I got to hold the instrument to hold the skin flap back). It was a really neat (and nasty) deep muscle tear, and you could practically put your hand inside the hole in the dogs shoulder. His muscles looked like hamburger meat because of how shredded they were. I watched as they intubated the dog, flushed the pocket out, tried to drain some of the fluid, numbed it, etc. Then Dr. J started to stitch the deep muscle tissue, and I was standing there holding back the skin flaps for her. I was totally geeking out with being able to do this on day one there... and then I embarrassed myself. My fingers started to tingle, my vision started to go white, I stood there blind for a little bit, and then realized that it wasn't going away. So I did the sensible thing, asked someone to hold the instruments, backed away from the table and attempted to crouch down. Of course, once I started to crouch down, not being able to see, and my ears having started to pop to tunnel-like quality, my balance was gone and I ended up plopping rather ungracefully on my backside. Well the tech that was helping and Dr. J weren't too concerned about me, finding my abrupt non-graceful 'kerplop' rather funny, and though I was quite frustrated at myself, I laughed it off.

It's funny- half the time I watch surgeries- castrations, eye sutures, lacerations, spays/neuters, dental extractions, tumor removals, I have no problem whatsoever, whether I am observing or assisting. The other half I have this happen to me- it's almost as if it depends on the day. I never fully pass out, and sometimes my vision will just go white, but then it will clear and I will feel fine. Whether today was due to nerves alone, I'm not sure. Perhaps it is that I lock my knees or stop breathing because I'm trying so hard not to pass out. Maybe it is all in my head- I worry that I'm going to have the weird effect and so I do- low blood pressure, heart murmur issues exasperated by accelerated heart rate- I have no idea. But it is quite frustrating. I never get nauseous or think things are gross- spurting blood doesn't affect me, nor do nasty looking things, or gross smells. I just have this weird white-out issue that sporadically occurs. If it doesn't clear on it's own within the first couple of minutes, then as soon as I sit (even if it is just in a chair) it goes away completely, unless I try to stand up again too quickly. I can watch surgery seated without a problem. I can watch surgeries on youtube or TV standing without a problem. Half the time (or even over that) I can watch and help with surgeries without a problem. Makes no sense to me.

 Dr. J. told me it was fine, and that she normally tried to slowly get people into helping with surgery- I just happened to be right there and (very) willing. I did the right thing by knowing when it was time to give up the battle and sit it out (and not passing out onto the dog). Enough times and I am certainly hoping I will get over it- this is what I'm told by all who are vets or vet techs (besides those who are lucky enough to have no reaction at all). I am determined not to let my bodily response stop me from doing what I want though- I will get over this somehow.

There were a few other interesting appointments (including 2 more mastiffs), but I'm not going to go into them right now- I have a paper to finish writing!

~Melissa